dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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