thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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