Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
