once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
