tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
