her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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