Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
