I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Church boner. Awkwardddd
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
