nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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