I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
