she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
