then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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