Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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