the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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