a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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