Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
