i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
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