I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
