your room smells of hookers.
And success
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
