I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
