soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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