Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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