I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
