his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
