Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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