susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
