just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
