omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
His nipple licking is glorious
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