I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
