Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
