A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When are your genitals available?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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