Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
