hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
