Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All I want is dick and wine.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
