either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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