i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I faked an abortion last night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sorry about my life...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
