Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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