Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
