is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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