I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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