She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
