Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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