this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
