i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So. Much. Porn.
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