this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
