if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
