I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
