Kiss
Puke
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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