Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
