dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The adults are the big ones right?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
