While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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