i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
